I CAN'T EVEN SPEEL!

Writing is hard.

No, really. Ritin iz harrd. The nuts and bolts of actually writing a full novel is very tricky. I mean, I could probably throw out a thousand words in ten minutes if I wanted to discuss why I dislike Nickleback or how important it is to eat fajitas once a week. Writing stuff which is funny and stupid and honest is a breeze. Think about your current partner. Think about people at work. Think about that time in Amsterdam you got really messed up. You could probably write quite a lot about them easily and enjoy doing it.

Writing a long piece of work, especially fiction, is difficult. Not only does it have to remain interesting but it has to make sense. Well, technically it doesn't but that probably won't result in anything great. I've read plenty of books where stuff just happened with no real rhyme or reason. "I'm a reserved, insecure young woman but I just had to sleep with that guy to express my sense of freedom!"

Really? Or did you sleep with that guy because he happened to be an undercover agent, and if you hadn't there wouldn't be a book?

(That isn't aimed at anything specific, by the way. I'm hardly one to start criticising other works before I've had a single word printed.)

But yeah. Writing Queen of the World was hard. It's a matter of motivation and self-doubt. Does this character work? Why am I writing this scene? Is anyone going to be interested in this plot? Why did that character do that? What could I be doing instead? Isn't YouTube more fun that this?

When I hit a scene in my work that I really enjoy, or have been looking forward to reaching - it's usually one where action happens, or where some plots merge and things start to make sense - then it's good fun. I can plough through that like a tractor tearing up a plot of particularly soft mushrooms. But when it's something else, and where I need to do some research or work out character motivation, then it can be a drag. I can write the same paragraph for hours and still end up chucking it. It's the problem of being someone who believes in character progression over plot dictation. Sometimes my characters simply wouldn't do something I need them to do, so I need to work out a way around it. An intelligent and skilled man trying to avoid detection by his enemies isn't going to suddenly decide that a two-week shopping holiday in New York is a good idea, even if I really need to get that character to a New York shopping mall.

The self doubt in me sometimes exploits this and just yells at me. My inner critic sounds like Alan Rickman. His heavy, drawling tones will whisper in my ear "This is futile. It's too slow, the writing is boring and the characters aren't likeable. What's the point? You might as well go back to playing World of Warcraft and stop trying to make a career of this."

Usually a can of Red Bull and a cigarette shuts him up. Usually.

It's kind of stressful at the moment because not only am I trying to write a follow-up to Queen of the World but I'm also trying to learn Norwegian and earn money. Writing another hundred thousand words just seems like trying to cut down a redwood with a piece of cheese. But I'll get there. I love writing even when it's hard, and I love the characters and the world I have so far.

Wouldn't it be great is all jobs were like that?

Other updates - no reponse from the publisher I did a full submission to(yet), so at least I haven't been turned down (yet). I've joined Twitter - find me @HennessyWrites . It's pretty addicitve. Also, I've got a craving for hamburgers which I'm judiciously encouraging. There's worse things to be addicted to.

If you're considering being a writer then read this. Read it if you like reading things which make you laugh, as well. Then buy his book.

Second daft. (sic)

I’m done with the second draft. Ish.

The missus read through the manuscript. It was printed out, all two hundred and forty pages of it. It looked lovely. Having the thing in my hand after nine months of staring at it on a laptop screen was great. I was like a kid at Christmas waiting for it to arrive. When it did it was laughs and smiles all round. Anyway, she read through it and gave me some excellent feedback as well as some morale-boosting affirmations that it wasn’t a big pile of poo. I’ve since mailed it off to a few other friends who agreed to critique it, and am now anxiously waiting to see what they say.

I found this very cool PDF file from Darcy Pattison giving advice on the second draft. It gave some tips which most other articles covering drafts touch on, as well as some others I hadn’t considered.

So after drafting a bit extra and touching up the first three chapters – well, making three chapters since the original manuscript isn’t chaptered, just broken into pieces – I’m looking to agencies who may be interested in representing me, providing they don’t think the story is a big pile of poo. It seems only a handful of agencies in the UK represent fantasy. There’s a list of them to be found here. Reading through it struck me that getting an agent is going to be pretty tricky. They get hundreds of submissions monthly, it seems, and not only do I have to ensure my work is saleable but also that the submission stands out in the first place. What if it turns out that a person is a great story writer but terrible at submissions? That isn’t self referential, but looking at some writing forums a common complaint seems to be ‘I’ve been submitting for years and never got a single good reply back from an agency’. Is that due to their writing or the way they submit?

Also, I need to write a synopsis. I find the idea of doing so to be difficult. It’s not so much condensing down the story into a single page – that shouldn’t be too tricky, I haven’t written the Bible – but the deep-seated need to want to keep things interesting. I would rather say ‘Then the character arrived to meet his nemesis WITH HILARIOUS CONSEQUENCES’ and then let whoever I’m describing it to read for themselves what happens. I have this idea that if you know the story in advance, and get it all in five hundred words, why would you then read a hundred thousand more?

Of course I understand it from a selling-the-bloody-thing perspective. It just makes me go ngggghhh.

I sent one submission to John Jarrold. The submission was terrible. I’m not expecting anything in response. Balls.

In less than a week I move to my home for the next year. Student shared accommodation. Get in. Also, I’ll be home to visit the family and friends in sunny Essex later this month. The sunshine here in Arendal is excellent at the moment. I caught my first Norwegian fish. It was a cod. I was happy.

Really happy.

It tasted awesome, too!